Looking for a job?
Learn your corporate clichés– they are your friends
COMPETITIVE SALARY
(we remain competitive by paying less than our competitors)
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY
(we have no time to train you)
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
(we don’t pay enough to buy nice clothes)
MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED
(you’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day)
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
(some time each night and some time each weekend)
DUTIES WILL VARY
(anyone in the office can boss you around)
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
(we have zero quality control)
CAREER-MINDED
(female applicants must be childless and remain that way)
APPLY IN PERSON
(if you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the job has been filled)
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE
(we’ve filled the job– our call for resumes is just a legal formality)
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE
(you’ll be replacing three people who just quit)
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
(you’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos)
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS
(you’ll have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay)
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK
(I blame others for my mistakes)